


Abandonment Issues

by sladeninstitute



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-04
Updated: 2014-03-04
Packaged: 2018-01-14 12:18:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1266256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sladeninstitute/pseuds/sladeninstitute
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone leaves Jim Kirk, that's a fact. Jim couldn't stand it if Bones left him too, and he says as much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Abandonment Issues

**Author's Note:**

> Based off the prompt: "I’m glad I met you. Now do me a favour and stay." (Just saw this quote and it screams McKirk…)

Everyone leaves Jim Kirk eventually. It's a fact of his life, and it's been that way for as long as he can remember. His dad left him before he was born, Sam left him when he was just a kid, his mom mentally checked out (and really, isn't that the same as leaving?) when Sam left, and Frank stuck around long enough to fuck his mom and then beat him shitless. When he was on Tarsus IV, his foster family left him there on the cold hard dirt in their attempt to escape, leaving him to be snatched up by the guards and hauled away. Jim could mention all the men and women that have left him since then, but none of those are really worth his time. All the traumatic abandonments happened when he was a child.

Jim loves Bones. That's another fact of life, plain and simple. He's been in love with the grumpy doctor since they first wound up roommates. He loves the way Bones really, legitimately seems to care about him. He loves his hair, the way he looks in that godawful uniform, the deepness of his voice, the accent that comes with that voice. Hell, he even loves being yelled at by Bones. Bones only ever yells because Jim's done something exceedingly stupid and could've wound up killed. As far as Jim remembers, Bones is the first person who's ever cared if he lived or died. He wouldn't be yelling if he didn't care, so Jim never takes it personally. Yes, Jim loves Bones. It's a fact of life.

What Jim can't wrap his head around is why in the hell Bones sticks around a broken, messed up, piece of shit like him. It's been a year and a half and Bones hasn't even threatened to leave. He's always there, like a lighthouse in a storm. The shining light that pulls Jim out of danger. Jim would go so far as to call him home. He knows that making homes out of people is about the dumbest thing someone could possibly do, but it didn't stop him. Bones is his home. He just hopes that his home doesn't leave. It's a terrifying idea that he deals with every day. He can't count the number of times he's had full on panic attacks from the idea of Bones getting up and walking out. He never tells Bones the reasons for the attacks, but Bones is always there to help him through them.

They're sitting in their dorm one night when it finally becomes too much for Jim to bear. Bones is giving Jim a medical lecture. It's interesting, to say the least. They're talking about familial perioral stenosis. Jim's not a doctor and honest to god has no clue what the hell that is, but if it means he gets to listen to Bones talk, he'll listen all night long. And then the thoughts start creeping in, like they always do eventually. _He's gonna leave you eventually. Make you feel safe and then disappear in the night because he can't stand being around you. You're not even good enough for his time. Maybe he'll leave tonight and never come back. You'd deserve it. What've you got to offer him?_

The thoughts are enough to set Jim into a silent crying fit. He pretends to be macho and emotionally stable for the most part, but there are times when he just can't avoid crying. Everyone does it, the great Jim Kirk included. He wipes his eyes at random intervals to make sure that Bones doesn't see. The last thing he wants is Bones thinking he's some sort of pansy. That'd just cause him to walk out sooner, wouldn't it? He's contemplating that line of thought when Bones turns around and catches him, tears streaming down his face.

“Jim?”

He wipes his eyes and looks up at Bones. Jim doesn't say anything, just sits there and looks at him. He's taking in everything about the man in front of him, memorizing everything there is to memorize.

“Why're you cryin'? Did I say somethin' wrong?”

That's typical Bones. It makes Jim cry just a little bit more, mortified that he's made Bones think that he said or did something to cause this.

“Jim, you gotta talk to me. I can't help you if you don't talk to me.”

“I'm fine.” Comes Jim's reply, quiet and practically drowned out by another round of tears.

“Like hell you are! You're cryin' up a damn storm, Jim.” Bones comes and sits down beside his roommate, pulling him into his arms. Jim decides to just say what's on his mind, but it takes him a few minutes to pull himself together enough to be capable of speech.

“I'm glad I met you. Now do me a favour and don't leave.” Jim pauses. “Please.”

“Don't leave?” Bones is about as confused as he could possibly get. “Why would I leave?”

Jim looks up at him, searching his eyes to see if he's playing dumb or if he really can't think of a reason to leave.

“Everyone I love leaves, Bones. Everyone. My mom, my brother, my foster family on Tarsus. They all left me. I don't want you to leave me too.” Jim hadn't been intending to admit that he loved his roommate, but the words just slipped out. “I couldn't handle it if you left me. You're just about the only person I've got at the Academy.” He snorts. “Hell, you're about the only person I've got in the whole damn universe.”

Bones pulls Jim even closer, kissing the top of his hair.

“M'not gonna leave you. Hell, I ain't got a reason to leave you.”

Jim looks incredulous.

“You don't?” He can't believe it. There's got to be some reason for Bones to want to leave him, and he just about says as much.

“Jim, you might be reckless and stupid and annoying but I love you too. I don't leave the people that I love.” He remembers Jocelyn and amends his statement. “Not unless I'm forced to.”

Jim gets deathly silent. He needs a moment to process the words that just came out of Bones' mouth. _I love you too_. Bones loves him. He thinks he's stupid and reckless and annoying but _he loves him_. It's something that he never thought he'd hear.

“So you're not gonna leave me?”

Bones shakes his head, pulling Jim into a real kiss. It lasts for aeons, both of them wanting (no, needing) more, and both of their lips are swollen when they do pull away.

“M'not goin' anywhere, darlin'.”

Jim doesn't think he's heard anything more beautiful in his entire life.

 


End file.
